Trouble And Money #01

Meet Conrad Grange and Gator. - Near Peace O' The Sea Trailer Park - Rye, New Hampshire

We rescued each other a few years ago and are now stuck together. I care for him more than I ever did for my ex-wife.

It’s 0430, and my dog Gator is taking me for a walk. Most mornings, I can slide out of bed, kick a few empty cans on the way to the side door, and let him out, but today is different. I agreed to take an “Immersion Case” at a company with a problem employee.

I need Gator back in the trailer when I leave for the job. Left on his own, he would spend the day rooting through trash cans, pissing on geraniums, and battling squirrels, cats, and seagulls from across the street.

I need to contain that rascal Monday through Friday this week and next; he won’t be happy. Nobody likes having their routines screwed with.

Immersion is one of my favorite kinds of cases. I get hired by the upper echelon of companies and am given a clear objective.

Things like finding out who is stealing this or that. Or figuring out who the troublemakers are in specific departments. This week’s assignment is a doozy.

A well-known software company is paying me thousands of dollars to determine whether an employee is getting along with another employee.

Can you believe that?

I am old school quiet about who hires me and for what, but I will tell you that the assignment is coming from near or above the C-Suite, and I was told it has to do with a promotion being held back due to rumors.

My small brown dog, with the suspect pedigree, is tugging at the leash on a day with great potential. This morning, the Atlantic is cold and windy as the late winter sun starts to appear. He pulls me toward the coffee shop but keeps an eye on the gulls he would usually chase when not on the leash.

He has never caught a gull and never will, but he’s an ambitious dreamer like the coyote in the Road Runner cartoons. If any packages arrive on my deck from Acme, I’ll know he is upping his game.

My neighbors in the park like Gator. The Monroe's shotgun pot smoked into his face. He doesn’t seem to disagree, and Mrs. Kellcoyne puts together little plates of leftovers when she sees my pooch making his rounds. His favorite time of year, when the grills come out, is close.

He has a better social life than I, but that’s to be expected.

I can be a bit of an asshole; ask my ex-wife.

Ankle Bracelets Are Always Fashionable - Hampton Beach, New Hampshire

We grab a paper cup of regular and a few jelly-filled donut holes at that famous coffee chain everywhere in New England, even on the beach.

The girl at the counter, Meghan, has that one-in-ten nose that can sport a septum ring and look good. She gets my coffee and turns her back to me, reaching for the top rack of sweets.

She has a nice butt and a fashionable New England court-ordered ankle bracelet. That adds to her appeal; she makes my coffee just right.

“Connie, I put in a couple of extras for Gator. I know he likes the jelly ones.”

She said, “He stops by most mornings for a few; we love him here.”

I looked at Meaghan and said, “He’s a smart pooch; he must like you.”

We walk up the coast a half a mile, then turn at an old fisherman’s shack and head home.

I need to be at Wilson Teller Solutions in one hour to start my position as a new but undercover employee. The other name for that position is RAT, but this rat gets three hundred dollars a day plus expenses with a minimum guarantee of two weeks of employment.

The new sun is now shimmering off the water like a fiery paint job.

Walking up the shell-covered driveway, I tell Gator, “I hope my truck starts.”

Oh, by the way, my name is Conrad Grange. I am a Private Investigator.

Wilson Teller Solutions — Peabody, Massachusetts — A Software Company

Amy Kilternof is preparing welcome packages with some swag for the three new employees going through orientation today.

She’s in the big conference room, drinking hot tea and humming a Taylor Swift Ditty.

Amy loves this part of her job in the Human Resources Department.

She starts to run the order of business in her head as she sorts more of the paperwork that needs to be completed.

First, she will discuss the company’s history, and then a few top executives will come in to talk.

After that, a 20-minute coffee break with pastries and bagels. (No Cream Cheese)

After the break, the work part of the day starts.

It is a total chore to guide the newbies through health insurance forms, life insurance forms, tax forms, emergency contact information, 401K applications, and computer and data security procedures.

They ask more questions than they should, and Amy clenches and bites her tongue when she hears repetitive questions.

New employees are given parking stickers for their cars and then an expensive Wilson Teller Hoodie.

Then comes badge photographs by the security department. The Wilson Teller Solutions lanyard looks good this year.

Then comes a glorious one-hour catered lunch.

Amy was asked to pick the lunch items and was proud she chose all the vegan options.

She feels powerful and a bit snarky for doing this. The reactions of new employees to the lunches she picks are often visible disdain.

She loved that moment when they looked at each other in a WTF way.

There is no chicken salad, sliced ham, macaroni and cheese, smoked salmon for the bagels, cream cheese, or butter for the baguettes. There is no real cream for the coffee, no half and half, no cheese anywhere. If Amy thought that peanuts screamed when they were crushed to make peanut butter, it would not be on the buffet table.

Amy's religious goal is to save the uneaten and unmilked.

After lunch, each new hire will meet their department head and go to their new workspace.

Amy was folding the hoodies when the security department escorted the two men and one woman into the conference room for orientation.

She told them to “grab pastries and coffee.”

While reviewing the order of forms in the three piles, she heard a man’s voice say, “What? No fucking half and half?”

​Amy was not sure who said it.

Trouble And Money is published Monday through Friday. It is a free serial fiction detective story with characters you will love. Read the adventures of Conrad Grange as he solves cases and contends with a harsh world.